


A single change.

by Anonymous



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Author is tired, Character Death, Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Hatake Kakashi is Bad at Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, OOC, Oneshot, Out of Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship of Convenience, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, because it’s definitely not right in some parts, but like, hahaha, hmmmm, idk what that tag is but it sounds right, ill add more later xoxo, kakashi is fucked up LMAOO, kiss, mention of suicide, not that major lol, spoikers for kakashi’s whole life possibly, uhhhh, yeah let’s just get that in first HAHAH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29792391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kakashi lives through his whole life with the addition of just one more person.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Original Female Character(s), Hatake Kakashi & Reader, Hatake Kakashi/Original Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 36
Collections: Anonymous





	1. first

**Author's Note:**

> critical warning, i only got kakashi’s life story from the wiki lol not even gonna lie. so a lot of it may be shitty and not in order or smth. and he’s probably out of character but i tried. well that’s all i have.  
> get ready for some shit writing

his father was nice. his father was loyal to the shinobi code. his father saw her crumpled up on the side of the road after a mission. a weak, battered, little child. she didn’t even seem to be conscious. the moonlight spread across his face and her body.so, being the ninja he was; he turned to walk away. 

“kakashi.” 

the young boy stepped out from his room to greet his father. 

“hey dad-“ 

he jumped back as he saw what his father was carrying in his arms. it was .. a girl. she looked to be about his age. 

“kakashi. get a bath going hm?” 

with a nod, kakashi went to the bathroom. the man set the girl down on the couch as he went to take off his armor. his eyes gazed on her body as he peeled the armor off. she had scratches covering her body, things that would most definitely leave scars. the blood was starting to seep into the couch. his clothes had blood stained on them too. her body was incredibly petite, it looks like she hasn’t been fed in days. 

his son yelled to him and he quickly grabbed the girl and put her in the bath. he diligently washed her body as his son watched. as he took her out of the bath, which had turned a pale red, his son questioned him.

“why did you bring her here?” 

the man went to drying her body with a towel. 

“because she wasn’t in a condition to fight on her own, why else ?” 

once her body was dry, he grabbed the first aid and started to disinfect all her wounds. 

“i can see that, but why did you bring her  here.”

the boy’s words didn’t sound annoyed, only curious. “why not send her to a hospital?” the words said. his father wrapped the gauze over her head to keep the blood from her forehead falling. 

“she needed help. and that’s what a ninja does kakashi.” 

kakashi nodded his head, taking note of his father’s words. the young boy took another look at the girl. the man still dressing her wounds before his son crouched next to him. 

“can i help?” 

the man smiled and taught the boy how to wrap gauze correctly. and even though kakashi did not do much and just watched, he ruffled the boy’s head. there, he carried her to the spare bed. 

as time had its way with her, she woke up. when she woke up with bleary eyes, she mumbled full coherent sentences before looking down and processing her body. after staring down at her hands, she looked up to the gentle smiling man. she didn’t smile. she didn’t cry. sakumo hesitated before patting her head. 

“hi there. are you hungry ?” 

the young girl stared up at him and nodded.

“alright, i’ll bring you something.” 

the young girl closed her eyes and sighed. kakashi came out from behind the door and stared at her. 

“where’d you come from ?” 

she girl opened her eyes to the voice. it was a little higher, a little off from what she knew. but she knew. he watched as she processed his four year old body. grey hair, mask, hair sticking up. the boy looked at her with curious eyes. her body was thin. her eyes held nothing. 

“i do not know.” 

she opened her mouth to say something else but quickly closed it. his head tilted as he walked closer. 

“are you sure? how do you not know?” 

their faces were impossibly close. his eyes stared into hers. she did not jump back in surprise when he did. her eyes did not waver. 

“honestly, i don’t know the answer to that either.” 

he stared into her eyes more. curious about her backstory. her eyes provided no movement other than the occasional blink. 

“what’s your name ?” 

she said with no emotion. his eyes crinkled as he closed his eyes happily. 

“my name is kakashi. tell me yours!” 

he asked the question happily. her eyes almost widened. confusion plagued her head, this was not how she expected he’d act at all. she thought about how she’d answer this question despite knowing..

“i do not have one.” 

“what do you mean you don’t have one?” 

confusion sprang in his eyes as the spark of curiosity burned. 

“i just... dont i suppose.” 

the boy went to reply before his father called for him. yelling out a reply for him, he sprang away from her face. he said a promise to be back and ran out the door.

watching him leave the room, she smiled. it was light and could be broken easily. but she smiled to herself in the room. 

the boy’s father and the boy came back and gave her noodles. her fingers very decently handled the chopsticks. she only said thanks with a straight face and she slowly ate the hot food. they both happily ate their own share of noodles next to the bed as they happily talked as father and son. 

“you don’t have a name ?” 

it was the next day when the father realized she never gave them a name to call her by. she replied a simple no. the man smiled and pat her head. the boy, who was also next to her bed ,raised an eyebrow on what to call her. 

“that’s alright, how bout we give you one ? you wouldn’t mind, no?” 

“that’s alright.” 

the man sighed with a smile before pondering. after a minute or so, he turned back to her with determined eyes. 

“sayuri?” 

the young girl smiled at him for a second. only a second, before returning to her neutral expression. 

“that’s good. thank you.” 

as the man left, his son reached over and whispered in the girl’s ear. 

“sayuri means small lily, by the way.” 

the boy pulled back from her ear and smiled. well, she thinks he did. he crossed his arms and leaned forward. 

“it fits you.” 

the young girl tilted her head as she stared at the masked boy. 

“and why’s that ?” 

the boy’s eyes closed happily. 

“because youre really weak and small but you’ll be as graceful as a flower soon enough.” 

he said it bluntly as she stared at him. her smile grew a minuscule amount while his eyes never saw it. 

and so, the nameless girl was given a name. she had become healthier as time went on. she had also dawned the hatake name. the man asked her what she wanted to be. she would reply, “a medic.” 

the boy thought this was confusing, why wouldn’t you want to be a shinobi? she would stare at him and say, “because it’s also an important job.” then the boy’s father had saved his comrades instead of completing his mission. the boy questioned the man and was deeply disappointed in his father. the girl stuck with the man as he fell deeper and deeper into depression. 

“sayuri?” 

the girl turned to look at him. they had been sitting together in the forest. it’s been a few months since he had adopted her. it’s been a few months since she smiled again. her emotionless eyes blinked at him. 

“yes, father?” 

he bit back his surprise at the name. before his eyes softened. the man was disheveled. eyebags from nights of thinking. it was really quite sad, she thought. 

“you would take care of kakashi. would you not?” 

she didn’t have to bite back the concern. she didn’t feel the surprise run through her veins. the primal instinct to keep another person alive. she didn’t have to. she knew. it was only a matter of time. of course it was. she could never change anything. no matter how many times this happened. no matter how many things she did. she never changed anything. 

so she gave one last smile for the dead man. getting up from where she was sitting, she stepped over to the man who practically raised her.

“of course.” 

wrapping her arms around him, he sat still. he blinked in surprise. the young girl’s arms were wrapped awkwardly around his torso. she had never shown affection. she had never gave anyone she knew more than a handshake. before long, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. wetness seeped into her clothes. he squeezed his other child with the strength of a father who had loved her since she was in the womb. 

“i love you, father. thank you for bestowing your name on me. thank you for raising me. thank you father.” 

the man only started bawling as he gripped her tightly. he didn’t process that her words sounded so dreadfully suspicious. he didn’t process that her words sounded too old for the five year old body she resided in. he only cried. his emotions were out and not kept in the steel cage they’d been in for years. because he was a shinobi no longer.

when his tears ran dry, she laid in his lap and pretended to not know what would happen later tonight. she pretended. she was good at that. pretending. 

(she wasn’t.) 

so they sat in comfortable silence. every so often, he’d hug her closer. every so often, she felt more wetness seep into her clothes. every so often, she felt the want to cry. 

before long, she had fallen asleep in his lap. her breathing slowed. her eyes shut. her body slowly went limp. but her mind did not rest. however, she was great at pretending. her father carefully gathered her in his arms and walked to their home. for his shinobi strength had not depleted that much. 

when he laid her down on her bed, he tucked her in as any father would. tears rimmed his eyes as he kissed her forehead. 

(he didn’t realize her arms trembling under the sheets.) 

(he didn’t realize the tears boiling under her eyelids.) 

and so, he left with one last pat on her head. 

his son woke her up with teary eyes filled with despair and confusion.

(she didn’t bother acting surprised as she ran to the other room to see..) 

they both went to his funeral, where his death was mourned fully or spit on. that day, she saw something harden in the boy. she watched as his heart closed up, tightened, and refused any love in. her emotionless eyes stared at the lowering sun as she followed the boy back to the house. 

“kakashi?” 

his back turned to her, still as a statue. she closed the door and slowly approached the boy. 

“... are you..”

he slapped her arm before it even landed on his shoulder. he turned around swiftly, bypassing the girl entirely. 

“i’m going to go train.” 

her arm slowly dropped to her side. before he could reach the door, he heard her voice speak up. 

“father wasn’t a bad shinobi for saving his friends, kakashi.” 

his footsteps stopped before the door. two children with distance between them, their backs to eachother. 

“he wasn’t YOUR father. you don’t know the shinobi way.” 

with that, he slammed the door shut. she turned around to stare at the door with pitying eyes. her body felt tired. she reached with absentminded hands to clean the house. her feet dragged throughout the house. 

for the past year, kakashi earned top scores at the academy. while sayuri (her given name) focused the rest of her thoughts on medical school. the thought of a five year old wanting to learn medical school sounded ridiculous to most adults but there was someone who took her in. 

“kakashi?” 

she peeked into his room. it’s been months since they last have a real conversation. he was lying on his bed, his back facing her. 

“...” 

“good job on graduating. father would be proud.” 

she saw how his body tensed up before he spoke. 

“how’d you even know i graduated today.” 

he asked in a seething voice. his voice had become cold. there was no warmth, no happiness. she stared through the crack of the door before she closed it. 

“i’ll always know, kakashi.” 

her voice echoed through the room, still as soft and meek as ever. he gave no reply, so she closed the door softly and walked away. the boy grimaced and only curled in on himself to gather himself to get ready for his team he’d have to meet soon. 

a few weeks later, they moved out of their home. neither really did mind nor care.

(or they showed that they didn’t) 

so they moved themselves into a small apartment. ever since kakashi had his team, he came back less and less and at more sporadic times. she never paid mine and focused all her attention working in the medical field. once she hit age 10, they put her in the work of a hospital. the emotionless girl who never flinched at any wounds or blood and dawned the hatake name. 

kakashi started staying out much later, staying with his sensei instead of coming home. the young girl didn’t mind much, it’s what she expected. she drowned in the loneliness of it all. every night she’d count on her fingers the amounts of times she’s had to do this. the amount of times she’s had to live her life out like this. 

one day, she was walking along the road; buying food to keep the fridge in their apartment nourished. her eyes glanced around the many markets, before landing on him. he was walking along with his team, she recognized immediately. he didn’t seem to catch her eyes as he turned away, his back facing her. 

“kakashi.” 

the boy stiffened at the hand on his shoulder, immediately recognizing the weak voice. his lazy posture, turned rigid and guarded from the girl. his sensei and comrades looked on in confusion. 

“good job on passing the chunin exams.” 

he didn’t turn to face her, not her. she retracted her arm and brought her eyes up to the people staring at her. her face didn’t show any surprise at who they were. she only patted the basket filled with fruits. as she bored her eyes into all of his team’s eyes. 

“thank you.” 

she gave a little bow, her face not changing. 

“goodbye.” 

she turned on her heel, leaving the three dumbfounded. everyone then began pestering the boy. 

“kakashi, who was that?” 

rin asked. 

“don’t tell me she’s your girlfriend! i cant imagine you ever having one.” 

obito exclaimed. 

his teacher only stared in concern for the boy who started walking with them again. nothing showed any change in his body language. except.. maybe.. for the harden of his eyes. 

“i don’t know her.” 

the children immediately went to deny that claim before they received a look from their sensei. they let the saddened face on him shut them up. dropping the subject, they focused on happier talks. as the girl headed the other way, not turning back. 

time passed, both never holding a real conversation with eachother for years. if he was home, she was out in the hospital. if she was home, he never came out of his room or he was with his team. the lone girl would lie on her bed and think about ending it all. she didn’t even think kakashi would care if she did. but.. she knew that he already suffered enough agony. so she turned on her side and went to bed. 

then the third shinobi war happened. kakashi didn’t come back for days. she never spent a second worrying. 

for she knew he’d come back in one piece. and when he did, he stumbled and felt onto the cold hardwood floor. she heard his cries echo throughout the small apartment. once they quieted down, she walked over to the door and closed it; he had forgotten to. her eyes examined the sniffling boy under her. getting on her knees, she brought her hands to him and touched his shoulder. he didn’t bother reacting; still rubbing his eyes. 

she took the sign of no reaction and laid him down on the floor. she caught sight of a red eye staring back at her. the eye saw that she wasn’t surprised nor bothered. he let her take his armor and shirt, too tired to be cold and indifferent to her. 

and so, she cleaned his wounds. it mirrored the way his father patched her up as her hands made sure to be attentive to every wound. when she had reached his face, she wasn’t scared. she wasn’t nervous at the thought of touching his face. she merely grabbed his cheek and examined the cut on his red eye. her hand reached over to the disinfectant. 

“close.” 

she ordered. his eyes shut as he felt the rubbing alcohol carefully scrubbed on his cut. he felt cold delicate fingers wrap gauze around his eye. 

seeming to have stopped, he opened his one healthy eye. it focused on her form putting away all her materials. she didn’t turn to him as she spoke. 

“go to your room and sleep. and don’t get up for anything.” 

he almost felt it in himself to angrily deny and that he had work to do before she snapped her head to stare at him. 

“you have 3 broken ribs, a fractured arm, and you’re about to collapse from exhaustion.” 

he shut his mouth quickly at her strict voice. her eyes stared into his own. emotionless as ever. she waited for him to get up. trying to stand on his own two feet, he tried walking to his room before collapsing once again. 

sighing, she picked up the boy’s good arm and slung it across her shoulders as she tried to help him wobble to his room. no words were exchanged, no looks of pity. only the sound of their uneven steps to his room. he flopped on to his mostly unused bed as she forced him to get comfortable. pulling the blanket over him, she stood straight and stared at him. 

“i’ll bring you some food. do NOT get up.” 

she looked out the window, it seemed to be awfully late. 

“you can get up early tomorrow hm? they won’t be healed so dont push yourself.”

she doesn’t know why she gave the sentiment at the end, she knew he never listened. he laid in the bed, uncomfortable to be sleeping in his own. he didn’t register her leaving until she came back to him noodles. 

“hey kakashi.” 

after she had grabbed his clean bowl, she stopped before she left the room. 

“good job on becoming a jonin.” 

she heard him try to choke back tears. 

“obito would be happy.”

her feet almost left the room before she heard a grumble. she turned around and set the bowl on the floor to see his face. he had tears streaming down his cheeks as he yelled that she did not know anything. she did not understand. she took it all in silence. he was so filled with hatred that she would say something like that, that it did not process that he never told her obito’s name. he yelled that it doesn’t matter that he’s a jonin. he yelled that it didn’t matter if he was the best. he yelled that it didn’t matter because..

(it was all his fault.) 

she walked forward slowly and sat herself down on the floor next to his bed. she listened to his half mumbles and cries. but she could do nothing for comfort, so she sat and stayed by his side. after his sniffling quieted down, she grabbed his forehead protector and covered his wrapped eye with it. 

after he left in the morning, she woke in her own bed. she gave a hum as she got out. and that’s how it went. he stayed with rin and she stayed at the hospital. they stopped seeing eachother once again for they had no reason. 

before long that day had come, she stared as people brought kakashi into the medical ward she was assigned. she did not know medical ninjutsu. she didn’t not know anything that had to do with chakra. so she didn’t bother following. 

a few hours later, they released him and she went to help him limp to their home. she saw the way his fingers twitched. the way the tear tracks on his face became more apparent as they stumbled home. when they arrived, he immediately went for the sink. she watched as he desperately tried cleaning his hands. he desperately tried ridding the blood that was no longer there. 

she watched from behind, calculating how long he’d go on for. after about two hours, he still seemed unconvinced of the blood that did not plague his hands. she quietly turned off the water, eyeing the way his hands pruned and were rubbed to red. he stared in front of him, not focusing on anything anymore. she softly grabbed his hands and rubbed ointment into them. she stared at him in his eye, he looked back at her; unfocused. 

“get some sleep, kakashi.”

too tired to argue, he slunk off to sleep in his bed before standing still. she turned around to ask what was the hold up before he collapsed. his body hit the floor with no signs of getting back up. exhaustion goes a long way when you’ve killed your own friend, she thought in her head. she knew she didn’t have the strength to pick him up so she brought over pillows and blankets to the floor. 

she walked out of her room to see him thrashing in the makeshift bed. she eyes the window to see it was pitch black outside. tears emerged from his eye once again as he screamed for rin. she shook him awake but the first touch caused his eye to fly open. he caught sight of the black silhouette of her and in his shinobi mind, he saw danger. his hand covering her throat, he had her pinned. 

“who are you?” 

he seethed through his teeth. he pulled up his protector to look with his sharingan. she merely looked up at him.

“sayuri. you’re at home. i brought you back from the medical ward.” 

his eyes darted around the room, checking if she was tricking him. under the moonlight, he saw the look of their plain apartment. the strewn blankets and pillows around him. the girl he pinned onto the floor. he quickly let go of her as he collapsed onto the mass of pillows and blankets. 

“i’m sorry.” 

she looked from the floor to the boy who had quietly apologized. she rested on her elbows as she stared at him. 

“that is alright, kakashi.” 

he pulled his protector down as he laid back down on the blankets. she stood and went to go back to her room. before she could get far, she felt something grab her hand. she looked down to see kakashi’s crouched form.

“yes?” 

he didn’t move to speak or anything. after a minute of contemplation, he let go of her hand. he mumbled,“nothing.” before turning on his side. she merely blinked before walking back to her room. she ignored the way that was the only time he’s ever touched her since they were children. 

the following years, he began to retreat into himself even more. overcome with depression and grief for the promise hed broken and his own chidori that murdered rin, he stopped interacting with her at all. he’d gotten enlisted into Anbu and he worked diligently. though, that costed him his sanity. he’d come home with broken ribs, broken arms, shattered legs. everytime he’d come home, he’d bypass the woman. only when he was asleep, she wrapped all his wounds. for, he never took breaks. he never allowed himself to take it easy. 

he’d wake up with wrapping covering his body, his arm in a splint and sling, his whole body in pain. he’d merely grunt and get dressed once again. he’d leave without a word to the woman and he’d come back at a random time in a few weeks. 

the woman did not care much, she’s definitely had worse. she could recall the time she had to be handcuffed to a detective. she could recall dying at the hands of a demon that she was supposed to kill next to a boy who had a demon sister.

she could even recall what would happen next in this world. she stared at the fact that presented itself so boldly in front of her. 

she didn’t care what happened to herself. she didn’t mind. 

the years passed. the man went through much. more and more pain piling onto eachother. his sensei and his wife died, leaving behind a son. kakashi failed. itachi murdered his own clan, kakashi failed. 

sometimes, she’d be buying food for their home when she’d see a grey tuff of hair. she’d follow him, knowing that he could see her. he never went to stop her. he stared at the graves of his friends, his comrades. he’d talk to them. she stood around, watching. until he wouldn’t leave until dusk and so she left him to his grieving. 

and everytime he would come home and go straight to sleep, she would be right there. trying to soothe his trauma for the day. 

she can’t remember the last time he really smiled. 

(for he gave fake smiles, light smiles, to build his persona.) 

he can’t remember the last time she smiled at all. 

(for she never found another reason to smile.)

then he got resigned from Anbu.he came home earlier than any other time he’d been home. she immediately went to look for him, get a glance of his injuries before the night fell. when she could not find him, he appeared behind her. feeling the shift of air, she turned swiftly. 

“what is it, kakashi?” 

his eye looked her up and down before crossing his arms and going back into a lazy stance. her eyes still held no feelings after- how many years ? her hair had grown. she’d grown to be only an inch shorter than himself. after so many changes, they were still together. 

“you don’t need to take care of me in my sleep anymore.” 

she mimicked his arms and crossed her own. her eyebrows went up. 

“and why’s that ?” 

“because i’m not in Anbu. i probably won’t be getting any more life threatening injuries” 

the woman hummed as she stared at him. the man raised his eyebrow. 

“well i can still be here for you, even if you’re going to be in charge of those graduate kids.” 

his eye widened, how did she know that... his mind went through all of the times she’d known something she shouldn’t have. she let her head tilt as she brushed past his shoulder to the door. 

“i will be home later. have you read the Icha Icha series yet? i heard it is good.” 

she slipped on her slippers and turned to the man before she opened the front door. 

“goodbye, kakashi.” 

“wait”

she stopped between the half opened front door.

“yes?” 

she turned to look at the man who was now facing her.

“where are you going?” 

her eyes were filled with mild surprise before staring back at him. 

“the medical ward. i have work to do.” 

he stared at her before turning his head back to the floor. she waited for a reply. 

“..have a good day.” 

her eyes softened as she went to close the door. 

“you too, kakashi.” 

and so, the door shut. leaving kakashi alone in their apartment. he wandered throughout the apartment, looking at all the things that had happened beneath his nose over the years. her room was bare, there was nothing of value in there. her clothes were basic and plain. except... he came across a small kimono. it was.. beautiful. his father gave her it. when he was still... 

he delicately put back the clothing where he found it. he left her room and sat on the couch. was this how she felt? being alone on this apartment while he was on missions ? alone. for days. he’d never seen her have friends. he’d never seen her hang out with anyone. so she must’ve been here.

alone. 

he picked himself up and decided to go to the market. maybe he should read that Icha Icha series she was talking about. 

he was now a teacher for children, an advocate for teamwork. he’d come home at decent hours and he’d say whenever he had a long mission. she stayed in her monotonous routine of going to work and coming back. sometimes he’d be home and she’d have a double take. trying to remember that he wasn’t going to be on the verge of dying everytime he left. he’d wave her over and show her the pet of the book he was on. 

one of them would read it out loud, just to make fun of it. she taught the warrior how to cook so he could eat actual meals if she had long shifts. when they ate, they sat back to back, talking about whatever came to mind. 

(for even having known eachother for such a long time, he had never taken off him mask) 

her patients, his students, the chapter of the book they were on. he’d take her hand into the basics of martial arts just so she’d be safe. 

(because he couldn’t be able to stand it if she-)

they pretended the past years never happened. the one sided hostility, anger, and rage. they never talked about it. they never talked about the loneliness felt on both sides. they just created new memories to live with. 

her emotionless face still never broke out in a laugh. she made sly comments and made fun of things. he always had a lazy smile and was blunt and honest with his comments. he felt like he never knew her until now. her dead eyes and lack of expressions seemed like a reflex. her comments, sarcasm, and caring attitude were peaks into what she really was.

“why do you never smile?” 

the question fell past his lips before he could stop it. her eyes dragged from the book to his head lying in her lap. 

“i don’t see a reason to smile.” 

“aww you don’t even see me as a reason to smile ? that really wounds me.”

“oh shush.”

she whacked him on the head with the book before going to find their page once again. 

“you’re going to be in charge of a new group tomorrow right?” 

she questioned as she thumbed through the pages. he gave a low hum as he closed his eyes. 

“mm i have a good feeling about this one kakashi.” 

and so, he was with the group of naruto, sasuke, and sakura. she knew he would be okay. months passed and he seemed at peace with his group of genin. he’d come home with bucket full words to say about his group. she’d listen and kept track of where she was. 

one day, she was walking around the village before she saw a tree. under the tree, had kakashi sleeping on the job as usual. but his genin surrounding him. naruto in between his legs, sakura on his right, and sasuke on his left. the three were talking amongst themselves as their sensei slept. as she walked over to the four, naruto caught sight of her.

“who’re you ?” 

he asked, quite loudly actually. she walked closer before sakura gasped. 

“oh my gosh ! are you kakashi-sensei’s girlfriend?” 

the woman ignored the girl’s exclaim before crouching in front of them. 

“i’m a friend of his.” 

sasuke looked at her suspiciously, “how do we know you’re not just trying to look for a way to kill sensei?” 

the woman cocked her head at the boy before sitting down completely. 

“is he late?” 

the three looked at eachother before naruto turned to answer. 

“yeah actually.” 

the woman hummed a bit before closing her eyes. 

“just hit him on the head once and he should wake up.” 

the man still snored soundly. they all looked around uncomfortably, seemingly feeling cornered. 

“you’re sakura, naruto, and sasuke no?” 

their ears all perked up at their names, the question of “how do you know us ?!” on the tip of their tongues. 

“kakashi talks about you all, a lot.” 

they stared at her with dumbfounded looks. naruto looked to the side before whispering, “i never knew sensei would have a girlfriend who’s so scary.” 

“oi.” 

naruto felt a bonk on his head. he yelled in pain as he turned to look at his teacher. kakashi stared lazily at the woman in front of them. 

“what’re you doing here, sayuri?” 

they looked surprised as they looked back at her. 

“ah just visiting. saw you and your genin having a little nap here.” 

his students felt their faces flush at the sound of being called out. the man sighed as he stood. she bounced back up with him. he walked closer to her.

“well i’ll be back later. so don’t worry.” 

she patted down her dress. 

“alright, ill be going now.” 

she bended to look behind kakashi.

“it was nice meeting you three.”

before she could turn to leave, he wrapped an arm around her head to pull her closer to him. it only lasted a second, a single second. but. 

he pulled her back and she stood there in shock for a millisecond. but soon, her lips slowly upturned a bit. his eye crinkled at the sight of it. he hasn’t seen her smile since.. she then turned away and waved haphazardly. her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“bye bye.”


	2. rewrite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s just the first chapter with some changes to the writing because i wasn’t satisfied with the first one. im only posting them as two separate things because idk if the other one is better or not lol. so here ya go! also thx to whoever commented ?? like ?? never would i have thought i’d get more than 1 comment on this

his father was nice. his father was loyal to the shinobi code. his father saw her crumpled up on the side of the road after a mission. a weak, battered, little child. she didn’t even seem to be conscious. the moonlight spread across his face and her body.so, being the ninja he was; he turned to walk away. 

“kakashi.” 

the young boy stepped out from his room to greet his father. 

“hey dad-“ 

he jumped back as he saw what his father was carrying in his arms. it was .. a girl. she looked to be about his age. 

“kakashi. get a bath going hm?” 

with a nod, kakashi went to the bathroom. the man set the girl down on the couch as he went to take off his armor. his eyes gazed on her body as he peeled the armor off. she had scratches covering her body, things that would most definitely leave scars. the blood was starting to seep into the couch. his clothes had blood stained on them too. her body was incredibly petite, it looks like she hasn’t been fed in days. 

his son yelled to him and he quickly grabbed the girl and put her in the bath. he diligently washed her body as his son watched. as he took her out of the bath, which had turned a pale red, his son questioned him.

“why did you bring her here?” 

the man went to drying her body with a towel. 

“because she wasn’t in a condition to fight on her own, why else ?” 

once her body was dry, he grabbed the first aid and started to disinfect all her wounds. 

“i can see that, but why did you bring her  _here._ ”

the boy’s words didn’t sound annoyed, only curious. “why not send her to a hospital?” the words said. his father wrapped the gauze over her head to keep the blood from her forehead falling. 

“she needed help. and that’s what a ninja does kakashi.” 

kakashi nodded his head, taking note of his father’s words. the young boy took another look at the girl. the man still dressing her wounds before his son crouched next to him. 

“can i help?” 

the man smiled and taught the boy how to wrap gauze correctly. and even though kakashi did not do much and just watched, he ruffled the boy’s head. there, he carried her to the spare bed. 

as time had its way with her, she woke up. when she woke up with bleary eyes, she mumbled full coherent sentences before looking down and processing her body. she didn’t focus on the multiple banged covering her face. didn’t lose her mind of her right eye having a gash through it. after staring down at her hands, she looked up to the gentle smiling man. she didn’t smile. she didn’t cry. sakumo hesitated before patting her head. 

“hi there. are you hungry ?” 

the young girl stared up at him and nodded.

“alright, i’ll bring you something.” 

the young girl closed her eyes and sighed. kakashi came out from behind the door and stared at her. 

“where’d you come from ?” 

she girl opened her eyes to the voice. it was a little higher, a little off from what she knew. but she knew. he watched as she processed his four year old body. grey hair, mask, hair sticking up. the boy looked at her with curious eyes. her body was thin. her eyes held nothing. by the way he didn’t react to her bandages, she assumed he was one who helped her.

“i do not know.” 

she opened her mouth to say something else but quickly closed it. his head tilted as he walked closer. 

“are you sure? how do you not know?” 

their faces were impossibly close. his eyes stared into hers. she did not jump back in surprise when he did. her eyes did not waver. 

“honestly, i don’t know the answer to that either.” 

he stared into her eyes more. curious about her backstory. her eyes provided no movement other than the occasional blink. 

“what’s your name ?” 

she asked with no curiosity. his eyes crinkled as he closed his eyes happily. 

“my name is kakashi. tell me yours!” 

he asked the question happily. her eyes almost widened. confusion plagued her head, this was not how she expected he’d act at all. she thought about how she’d answer this question despite knowing..

“i do not have one.” 

“what do you mean you don’t have one?” 

confusion sprang in his eyes as the spark of curiosity burned. 

“i just... dont i suppose.” 

the boy went to reply before his father called for him. yelling out a reply for him, he sprang away from her face. he said a promise to be back and ran out the door.

watching him leave the room, she smiled. it was light and could be broken easily. but she smiled to herself in the room. 

the boy’s father and the boy came back and gave her noodles. her fingers very decently handled the chopsticks. she only said thanks with a straight face and she slowly ate the hot food. they both happily ate their own share of noodles next to the bed as they happily talked as father and son. 

“you don’t have a name ?” 

it was the next day when the father realized she never gave them a name to call her by. she replied a simple no. the man smiled and pat her head. the boy, who was also next to her bed ,raised an eyebrow on what to call her. 

“that’s alright, how bout we give you one ? you wouldn’t mind, no?” 

“that’s alright.” 

the man sighed with a smile before pondering. after a minute or so, he turned back to her with determined eyes. 

“sayuri?” 

the young girl smiled at him for a second. only a second, before returning to her neutral expression. 

“that’s good. thank you.” 

as the man left, his son reached over and whispered in the girl’s ear. 

“sayuri means small lily, by the way.” 

the boy pulled back from her ear and smiled. well, she thinks he did. he crossed his arms and leaned forward. 

“it fits you.” 

the young girl tilted her head as she stared at the masked boy. 

“and why’s that ?” 

the boy’s eyes closed happily. 

“because youre really weak and small but you’ll be as graceful as a flower soon enough.” 

he said it bluntly as she stared at him. her smile grew a minuscule amount while his eyes never saw it. 

and so, the nameless girl was given a name. she had become healthier as time went on. the scars remained, as the man thought they would. she had also dawned the hatake name. the man asked her what she wanted to be. she would reply, “a medic.” 

the boy thought this was confusing, why wouldn’t you want to be a shinobi? she would stare at him and say, “because it’s also an important job.” then the boy’s father had saved his comrades instead of completing his mission. the boy questioned the man and was deeply disappointed in his father. the girl stuck with the man as he fell deeper and deeper into depression. 

“sayuri?” 

the girl turned to look at him. they had been sitting together in the forest. it’s been a few months since he had adopted her. it’s been a few months since she smiled again. her emotionless eyes blinked at him. 

“yes, father?” 

he bit back his surprise at the name. before his eyes softened. the man was disheveled. eyebags from nights of thinking. it was really quite sad, she thought. 

“you would take care of kakashi. would you not?” 

she didn’t have to bite back the concern. she didn’t feel the surprise run through her veins. the primal instinct to keep another person alive. she didn’t have to. she knew. it was only a matter of time. of course it was. she could never change anything. no matter how many times this happened. no matter how many things she did. she never changed anything. 

so she gave one last smile for the dead man. getting up from where she was sitting, she stepped over to the man who practically raised her.

“of course.” 

wrapping her arms around him, he sat still. he blinked in surprise. the young girl’s arms were wrapped awkwardly around his torso. she had never shown affection. she had never gave anyone she knew more than a handshake. before long, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. wetness seeped into her clothes. he squeezed his other child with the strength of a father who had loved her since she was in the womb. 

“i love you, father. thank you for bestowing your name on me. thank you for raising me. thank you father.” 

the man only started bawling as he gripped her tightly. he didn’t process that her words sounded so dreadfully suspicious. he didn’t process that her words sounded too old for the five year old body she resided in. he only cried. his emotions were out and not kept in the steel cage they’d been in for years. because he was a shinobi no longer.

when his tears ran dry, she laid in his lap and pretended to not know what would happen later tonight. she pretended. she was good at that. pretending. 

(she wasn’t.) 

so they sat in comfortable silence. every so often, he’d hug her closer. every so often, she felt more wetness seep into her clothes. every so often, she felt the want to cry. 

before long, she had fallen asleep in his lap. her breathing slowed. her eyes shut. her body slowly went limp. but her mind did not rest. however, she was great at pretending. her father carefully gathered her in his arms and walked to their home. for his shinobi strength had not depleted that much. 

when he laid her down on her bed, he tucked her in as any father would. tears rimmed his eyes as he kissed her forehead. 

(he didn’t realize her arms trembling under the sheets.) 

(he didn’t realize the tears boiling under her eyelids.) 

and so, he left with one last pat on her head. 

his son woke her up with teary eyes filled with despair and confusion.

(she didn’t bother acting surprised as she ran to the other room to see..) 

they both went to his funeral, where his death was mourned fully or spit on. that day, she saw something harden in the boy. she watched as his heart closed up, tightened, and refused any love in. her emotionless eyes stared at the lowering sun as she followed the boy back to the house. 

“kakashi?” 

his back turned to her, still as a statue. she closed the door and slowly approached the boy. 

“... are you..”

he slapped her arm before it even landed on his shoulder. he turned around swiftly, bypassing the girl entirely. 

“i’m going to go train.” 

her arm slowly dropped to her side. before he could reach the door, he heard her voice speak up. 

“father wasn’t a bad shinobi for saving his friends, kakashi.” 

his footsteps stopped before the door. two children with distance between them, their backs to eachother. 

“he wasn’t YOUR father. you don’t know the shinobi way.” 

with that, he slammed the door shut. she turned around to stare at the door with pitying eyes. her body felt tired. she reached with absentminded hands to clean the house. her feet dragged throughout the house. 

for the past year, kakashi earned top scores at the academy. while sayuri (her given name) focused the rest of her thoughts on medical school. the thought of a five year old wanting to learn medical school sounded ridiculous. “why would a five year olds need to know how to create splints?” to which she’d insist she still did because it’s all she wanted to do. so she overlooked those with disapproving looks and studied. 

“kakashi?” 

she peeked into his room. it’s been months since they last have a real conversation. he was lying on his bed, his back facing her. 

“...” 

“good job on graduating. father would be proud.” 

she saw how his body tensed up before he spoke. 

“how’d you even know i graduated today.” 

he asked in a seething voice. his voice had become cold. there was no warmth, no happiness. she stared through the crack of the door before she closed it. 

“i’ll always know, kakashi.” 

her voice echoed through the room, still as soft and meek as ever. he gave no reply, so she closed the door softly and walked away. the boy grimaced and only curled in on himself to gather himself to get ready for his team he’d have to meet soon. 

a few weeks later, they moved out of their home. neither really did mind nor care.

(or they showed that they didn’t) 

so they moved themselves into a small apartment. ever since kakashi had his team, he came back less and less and at more sporadic times. she never paid mine and focused all her attention working in the medical field. once she hit age 10, they put her in the work of a hospital. the emotionless girl who never flinched at any wounds or blood and dawned the hatake name. 

kakashi started staying out much later, staying with his sensei instead of coming home. the young girl didn’t mind much, it’s what she expected. she drowned in the loneliness of it all. every night she’d count on her fingers the amounts of times she’s had to do this. the amount of times she’s had to live her life out like this. 

one day, she was walking along the road; buying food to keep the fridge in their apartment nourished. her eyes glanced around the many markets, before landing on him. he was walking along with his team, she recognized immediately. he didn’t seem to catch her eyes as he turned away, his back facing her. 

“kakashi.” 

the boy stiffened at the hand on his shoulder, immediately recognizing the weak voice. his lazy posture, turned rigid and guarded from the girl. his sensei and comrades looked on in confusion. 

“good job on passing the chunin exams.” 

he didn’t turn to face her, not her. never her. she retracted her arm and brought her eyes up to the people staring at her. her face didn’t show any surprise at who they were. she only patted the basket filled with fruits. as she bored her eyes into all of his team’s eyes. 

“thank you.” 

she gave a little bow, her face not changing. they all were filled with a sense of unease. 

“goodbye.” 

she turned on her heel, leaving the three dumbfounded. everyone then began pestering the boy as he started walking forward again, albeit at a faster pace. 

“kakashi, who was that?” 

rin asked. 

“don’t tell me she’s your girlfriend! i cant imagine you ever having one.” 

obito exclaimed. 

his teacher only stared in concern for the boy who started walking with them again. nothing showed any change in his body language. except.. maybe..

“i don’t know her.” 

the children immediately went to deny that claim before they received a look from their sensei. they let the saddened face on him shut them up. dropping the subject, they focused on happier talks. as the girl headed the other way, not turning back. 

time passed, both never holding a real conversation with eachother for years. if he was home, she was out in the hospital. if she was home, he never came out of his room or he was with his team. the lone girl would lie on her bed and think about ending it all. she didn’t even think kakashi would care if she did. but.. she knew that he already suffered enough agony. so she turned on her side and went to bed. 

then the third shinobi war happened. kakashi didn’t come back for days. she never spent a second worrying. 

for she knew he’d come back in one piece. and when he did, he stumbled and felt onto the cold hardwood floor. she heard his cries echo throughout the small apartment. once they quieted down, she walked over to the door and closed it; he had forgotten to. her eyes examined the sniffling boy under her. getting on her knees, she brought her hand to him and touched his shoulder. he didn’t bother reacting; still rubbing his eyes. 

she took the sign of no reaction and laid him down on the floor. she caught sight of a red eye staring back at her. the eye saw that she wasn’t surprised nor bothered. he let her take his armor and shirt, too tired to be cold and indifferent to her. 

and so, she cleaned his wounds. it mirrored the way his father patched her up as her hands made sure to be attentive to every wound. when she had reached his face, she wasn’t scared. she wasn’t nervous at the thought of touching his face. she merely grabbed his cheek and examined the cut on his red eye. her hand reached over to the disinfectant. 

“close.” 

she ordered. his eyes shut as he felt the rubbing alcohol carefully scrubbed on his cut. he felt cold delicate fingers wrap gauze around his eye. 

seeming to have stopped, he opened his one healthy eye. it focused on her form putting away all her materials. she didn’t turn to him as she spoke. 

“go to your room and sleep. and don’t get up for anything.” 

he almost felt it in himself to angrily deny and that he had work to do before she snapped her head to stare at him. 

“you have 3 broken ribs, a fractured arm, and you’re about to collapse from exhaustion.” 

he shut his mouth quickly at her strict voice. her eyes stared into his own, emotionless as ever. she waited for him to get up. trying to stand on his own two feet, he tried walking to his room before collapsing once again. 

sighing, she picked up the boy’s good arm and slung it across her shoulders as she tried to help him wobble to his room. sadly, her body was still weak. it was no body of a shinobi, it was no body of a warrior. she was merely a weak young girl. no words were exchanged, no looks of pity. only the sound of their uneven steps to his room. he flopped on to his mostly unused bed as she forced him to get comfortable. pulling the blanket over him, she stood straight and stared at him. 

“i’ll bring you some food. do NOT get up.” 

she looked out the window, it seemed to be awfully late. 

“you can get up early tomorrow hm? they won’t be healed so dont push yourself.”

she doesn’t know why she gave the sentiment at the end, she knew he never listened. he laid in the bed, uncomfortable to be sleeping in his own. he didn’t register her leaving until she came back to him noodles. 

“hey kakashi.” 

after she had grabbed his clean bowl, she stopped before she left the room. 

“good job on becoming a jonin.” 

she heard him try to choke back tears. 

“obito would be happy.”

her feet almost left the room before she heard a grumble. she turned around and set the bowl on the floor to see his face. he had tears streaming down his cheeks as he yelled that she did not know anything. she did not understand. she took it all in silence. he was so filled with hatred that she would say something like that, that it did not process that he never told her obito’s name. he yelled that it doesn’t matter that he’s a jonin. he yelled that it didn’t matter if he was the best. he yelled that it didn’t matter because..

(it was all his fault.) 

she walked forward slowly and sat herself down on the floor next to his bed. she listened to his half mumbles and cries. but she could do nothing for comfort, so she sat and stayed by his side. after his sniffling quieted down, she grabbed his forehead protector and covered his wrapped eye with it. she listened to his cries as she sat on the floor, listening. listening as she tried to hear the end of the torment for the boy. but she was no good for comfort. what good is someone at comfort when they knew they couldn’t make it better? she didn’t realize her body nodded off without her permission in his room. 

after he left in the morning, she woke in her own bed. she gave a hum as she got out. and that’s how it went. he stayed with rin and she stayed at the hospital. she’d see them walk along, both having a certain empty look in their eyes. they stopped seeing eachother once again for they had no reason to. 

before long, that day had come; she stared as people brought kakashi into the medical ward she was assigned. she did not know medical ninjutsu. she didn’t know anything that had to do with chakra. so she didn’t bother following. 

a few hours later, they released him and she went to help him limp to their home. she saw the way his fingers twitched. the way the tear tracks on his face became more apparent as they stumbled home. when they arrived, he immediately went for the sink. she watched as he desperately tried cleaning his hands. he desperately tried ridding the blood that was no longer there. 

she watched from behind, calculating how long he’d go on for. after about two hours, he still seemed unconvinced of the blood that did not plague his hands. she quietly turned off the water, eyeing the way his hands pruned and were rubbed to red. he stared in front of him, not focusing on anything anymore. his legs gave out and she fell right along with him. he cried silently as she softly grabbed his hands and rubbed ointment into them. she stared at him in his eye, he looked back at her; unfocused. her eyes held no pity, held no concern. 

“get some sleep, kakashi.”

too tired to argue, he slunk off to sleep in his bed before standing still. she turned around to ask what was the hold up before he collapsed. his body hit the floor with no signs of getting back up. exhaustion goes a long way when you’ve killed your own friend, she thought in her head. she knew she didn’t have the strength to pick him up by herself so she brought over pillows and blankets to the floor. 

she walked out of her room to see him thrashing in the makeshift bed. she eyes the window to see it was pitch black outside. tears emerged from his eye once again as he screamed for rin. she shook him awake but the first touch caused his eye to fly open. he caught sight of the black silhouette of her and in his shinobi mind, he saw danger. his hand covering her throat, he had her pinned. 

“who are you?” 

he seethed through his teeth. he pulled up his protector to look with his sharingan. questions fell from his lips as he demanded to know where he was. she merely looked up at him. same as always. 

“sayuri. you’re at home. i brought you back from the medical ward.” 

his eyes darted around the room, checking if she was tricking him. under the moonlight, he saw the look of their plain apartment. the strewn blankets and pillows around him. the girl he pinned onto the floor. he quickly let go of her as he stumbled backward. 

“i’m sorry.” 

she looked from the floor to the boy who had quietly apologized. she rested on her elbows as she stared at him. 

“that is alright, kakashi.” 

he pulled his protector down as he laid back down on the blankets. making sure he didn’t open injuries because he had moved too fast, she did a look over his body. he had no energy to fight back as he stared at her fluttering hands. after a while, she stood and went to go back to her room. before she could get far, she felt something grab her hand. she looked down to see kakashi’s crouched form.

“yes?” 

he didn’t move to speak or anything. after a minute of contemplation, he let go of her hand. he mumbled,“nothing.” before turning on his side. she merely blinked before walking back to her room. she ignored the way that was the only time he’s ever touched her since they were children. 

the following years, he began to retreat into himself even more. overcome with depression and grief for the promise he’d broken and his own chidori that murdered rin, he stopped interacting with her at all. he’d gotten enlisted into Anbu and he worked diligently. though, that costed him his sanity. his work was cold blood and merciless, obvious he was channeling his grief through his work. he’d come home with broken ribs, broken arms, shattered legs. everytime he’d come home, he’d bypass the woman. it didn’t matter if she was right in front of him, he’d simply walk past her like she wasn’t even there. only when he was asleep, she wrapped all his wounds. walking into his room as he slept and carefully cleaning his body. for, he never took breaks. he never allowed himself to take it easy. 

he’d wake up with wrapping covering his body, his arm in a splint and sling, his whole body in pain. he’d merely grunt and get dressed once again. he’d leave without a word to the woman and he’d come back at a random time in a few weeks. the cycle repeating. it was like a commensalism relationship, one partner was getting a benefit while the other remained unaffected. 

the woman did not care much, she’s definitely had worse.

(she could not admit to herself that it was more like a parasitism relationship, for she felt like a nuisance at times. sometimes, she’d lie in her room after caring for the boy and weep. sometimes she’d smile as tears rolled down her face as she hoped for release of this nightmare. she wept and prayed for her home. but even she did not know where “home” was.)

she could recall the time she had to be handcuffed to a detective and him dying in front of her. she could recall dying at the hands of a demon that she was supposed to kill next to a boy who had a demon sister.

she could even recall what would happen next in this world. she stared at the fact that presented itself so boldly in front of her. 

she didn’t care what happened to herself. 

she would pour all her time and energy into the boy before he become a young man. she did not care for herself, she was merely disposable. a stepping stone for the man to get to his full potential. 

the years passed. the man went through much. more and more pain piling onto eachother. his sensei and his wife died, leaving behind a son. kakashi failed. itachi murdered his own clan, kakashi failed. he failed and he tore himself apart. 

sometimes, she’d be buying food for their home when she’d see a grey tuff of hair. she’d follow him, knowing that he could see her. he never went to stop her. he stared at the graves of his friends, his comrades. he’d talk to them. hearing the way his deep voice spoke to them. she did not feel anything in her heart for it. she stood around, watching. until he wouldn’t leave until dusk and so she left him to his grieving. 

and everytime he would come home and go straight to sleep, she would be right there. trying to soothe his trauma for the day. hoping just being alive would be enough for him to push forward. knowing that someone still wanted him on this earth. that he could not leave to see his comrades because he’d be leaving her behind. and if he died, what would be her purpose? 

she can’t remember the last time he really smiled. 

(for he gave fake smiles, light smiles, to build his persona. she saw as he went out with his associates sometimes.) 

he can’t remember the last time she smiled at all. 

(for she never found another reason to smile. he never got a good look at her long enough to see a smile.)

then he got resigned from Anbu.he came home earlier than any other time he’d been home. she immediately went to look for him, get a glance of his injuries before the night fell. when she could not find him, he appeared behind her. feeling the shift of air, she turned swiftly. 

they stared at eachother, not used to talking to one another. she got a good look at the man looking at her. he looked about the same as he always did. a bit older than what she was used to seeing up close when he was awake. she didn’t go to move her mouth for she thought he’d move past her once again. pretend like she wasn’t there, like always. 

his eye looked her up and down before pocketing his hands and going back into a lazy stance. her eyes still held no feelings after- how many years ? her hair had grown. she’d grown to be only an inch shorter than himself. she was no longer a meek young girl and had grown to be a petite woman. a woman who held so much more willpower than he ever did. after so many changes, after so much heartbreak, they were still together. 

“you don’t need to take care of me in my sleep anymore.” 

she crossed her own arms, disbelieving. her eyebrows went up as she questioned if this was a trick. 

“and why’s that ?” 

“because i’m not in Anbu anymore. i probably won’t be getting life threatening injuries anymore.” 

the woman hummed as she stared at him. the man raised his eyebrow. 

“well i will be here, even if you’re going to be in charge of those graduates.” 

his eye widened, how did she know... his mind went through all of the times she’d known something she shouldn’t have. obito, everytime she congratulated him on passing an exam. she merely let her head tilt as she brushed past his shoulder to the door. 

“i will be back later. have you read the Icha Icha series yet? i heard it is good.” 

she slipped on her slippers and turned to the man before she opened the front door. 

“goodbye, kakashi.” 

“wait.”

she stopped between the half opened front door.

“yes?” 

she turned to look at the man who was now facing her. his eye held a feeling that she could not decipher. 

“where are you going?” 

her eyes were filled with mild surprise before replying to him. 

“the medical ward. i have work to do.” 

he stared at her before turning his head back to the floor. she waited for a reply. 

“..be safe..” 

her eyes softened as she went to close the door. 

“you too, kakashi.” 

and so, the door shut. leaving kakashi alone in their apartment, he looked around at his surroundings. he didn’t have a mission, he didn’t have a team yet. this place was safe, sayuri made sure of it. he didn’t have to worry. he didn’t. 

he wandered throughout the apartment, looking at all the things that had happened beneath his nose over the years. the place was filled with basic needs, practically no personality. her room was bare, there was nothing of value in there. though, he supposed he had no right to say anything when his room was just as bare. her clothes were basic and plain. except... he came across a small kimono. it was.. beautiful. his father gave her it. when he was still... 

he delicately put back the clothing where he found it. he left her room and sat on the couch. was this how she felt? being alone on this apartment while he was on missions ? alone. for days. he’d never seen her have friends or associates. he’d never seen her go out with anyone. so she must’ve been here.

alone. everyday. 

he picked himself up and decided to go to the market. maybe he should read that Icha Icha series she was talking about. 

he was now a teacher for children, an advocate for teamwork. he’d come home at decent hours and he’d say whenever he had a long mission. she stayed in her monotonous routine of going to work and coming back. sometimes he’d be home and she’d have a double take. trying to remember that he wouldn’t be on the verge of dying everytime he left. after a week, she came home to find him on the couch reading that series she told him about. he waved her over to show her the part of the book he was on. to which she would hesitate before sitting down on the couch with him. on the other side of course, so she wouldn’t be too close to him. 

as he handed the book to her, she gave him a strange look as she started reading in her monotone voice. he listened to her voice as he thought about what he should do. the woman sitting not far from him was... peculiar. she was blunt, didn’t seem to pay mind to anything, and never showed weakness. but he could see between the lines when she kept him alive, kept her distance for his sake, and always commented when it was needed. 

suddenly, he heard a snort come from the woman as she stopped reading. he turned his head to see her holding the book up to her eyes, as if trying to make sure it was real. 

“god, this is awful. do you actually like this?” 

there was no smile hidden as she locked eyes with his. he moved closer to her as he reread the part. 

“ah. well.. it’s a bit.. much. but i like it.” 

with a roll of her eyes, she snorted once again. 

“why did i ever recommend this atrocity to you.” 

he chuckled softly as she flipped to the next page. 

and that’s how it went.the woman would read it out loud, just to poke fun at it. to which the man would try to defend the book series he’s grown to enjoy. after they were done with the latest installment, she taught the warrior how to cook so he could eat actual meals if she had long shifts. when they ate, they sat back to back; talking about whatever came to mind. 

(for even having known eachother for such a long time, he had never taken off his mask) 

her patients, his students, the chapter of the book they were on. their conversations ranged from anything to nothing. simply basking in eachother’s company. for, they had no one else. he’d take her hand into the basics of martial arts just so she’d be safe. 

(because he couldn’t be able to stand it if she-)

they pretended the past years never happened. the one sided hostility, anger, and rage. they never talked about it. they never talked about the loneliness felt on both sides. the wayshe looked at him when he said he’d have to leave for a longer mission with his latest team. the way she went to work and he walked with her, just to be sure. they just created new memories to live with. 

her emotionless face still never broke out in a laugh. she made sly comments and made fun of things with a straight face. he always had a lazy smile and was blunt and honest with his comments. he felt like he never knew her until now. her dead eyes and lack of expressions seemed like a reflex. her comments, sarcasm, and caring attitude were peeks into who she really was. 

“why do you never smile?” 

the question fell past his lips before he could stop it. her eyes dragged from the book to his head lying in her lap. 

“i don’t see a reason to smile.” 

“ you don’t even see me as a reason to smile ? that really wounds me.”

“oh hush.”

she whacked him on the head with the book before going to find their page once again. 

“you’re going to be in charge of a new group tomorrow right?” 

she questioned as she thumbed through the pages. he gave a low hum as he closed his eyes. 

“mm i have a good feeling about this one kakashi.” 

and so, he was with the group of naruto, sasuke, and sakura. she knew he would be okay. months passed and he seemed at peace with his group of genin. he’d come home with bucket full words to say about his group. she’d listen and kept track of where she was. 

one day, she was walking around the village before she saw a tree. under the tree, had kakashi sleeping on the job as usual. but his genin surrounding him. naruto in between his legs, sakura on his right, and sasuke on his left. the three were talking amongst themselves as their sensei slept. as she walked over to the four, naruto caught sight of her.

“who’re you ?” 

he asked, quite loudly actually. she walked closer before sakura gasped. 

“oh my gosh ! are you kakashi-sensei’s girlfriend?” 

the woman ignored the girl’s exclaim before crouching in front of them. 

“i’m a friend of his.” 

sasuke looked at her suspiciously, “how do we know you’re not just trying to look for a way to kill sensei?” 

the woman cocked her head at the boy before sitting down completely. 

“is he late?” 

the three looked at eachother before naruto turned to answer. 

“yeah actually.” 

the woman hummed a bit before closing her eyes. 

“just hit him on the head once and he should wake up.” 

the man still snored soundly. they all looked around uncomfortably, seemingly feeling cornered. 

“you’re sakura, naruto, and sasuke no?” 

their ears all perked up at their names, the question of “how do you know us ?!” on the tip of their tongues. 

“kakashi talks about you all, a lot.” 

they stared at her with dumbfounded looks. naruto looked to the side before whispering, “i never knew sensei would have a girlfriend who’s so scary.” 

“oi.” 

naruto felt a bonk on his head. he yelled in pain as he turned to look at his teacher. kakashi stared lazily at the woman in front of them. 

“what’re you doing here, sayuri?” 

they looked surprised as they looked back at her. 

“ah just visiting. saw you and your genin having a little nap here.” 

his students felt their faces flush at the sound of being called out. the man sighed as he stood. he walked over to her and held out his hand, the other still pocketed. she took it and he quickly pulled her up with one tug. the force of it made her skip forward. 

“well i’ll be back later. so don’t worry.” 

she patted down her dress as she rid the dirt.

“alright, ill be going now.” 

she bended to look behind kakashi.

“it was nice meeting you three.”

before she could turn to leave, he wrapped an arm around her head to pull her closer to him. it only lasted a second, a single second. but. 

he pulled her back and she stood there in shock for a millisecond. but soon, her lips slowly upturned a bit. no signs of fluster or nervousness, just her disbelief. his eye crinkled at the sight of it. he hasn’t seen her smile since.. but it did not last long as her smile was gone with a blink. she then turned away and waved haphazardly. 

“bye, kakashi.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t wanna talk about it y’all, i’m starting to question where i should take this strange story i made


	3. comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just cute shit i’ve been wanted to write for a while.

they were lazing around on the couch for the day. for she was off of her work and he didn’t have any missions. as he was trying to catch up on rest, he saw her trying to finish paperwork. a normal sight for these days, she was always busy. but something caught his eye. her hair was pooling around her face as she hunched over to do her work. but he could see it.

with no prompt, he sat up and scooted closer to the woman. she didn’t pay mind and kept writing. with a wave of his hand, he moved hair from her right eye. her writing didn’t stop though, as she ignored his antics.

“yes, kakashi?” 

his face moved closer to hers, observing something. her face turned to see what he wanted. 

“well would you look at that.” 

she rolled her eyes.

“what is it, kakashi?” 

he trailed his hand up her face before stopping under eye. he slowly rubbed the scarred skin going in a diagonal line on and around her eye. she’s had it since his father found her. she also had various other scars still covering her body, but this one..

“we have the same scar.” 

her eyebrows twitched in confusion. as to show his point, he used his other hand to pull his protector up. his sharingan stared into her lazy eye that she’s had since they met. the eye could technically see, yes. but it was always most useful to just utilize her opposite eye. 

her eyes widened in understanding. 

“ah. i suppose so.” 

it was his turn to be confused as her eyes started darting to anywhere but his face. her face flushed as she brought her hands up to cover her face. his hand dropped as she hunched over to not allow him to see her face. he moved closer, fluttering his hands over her. 

“wait- what’s wrong-“ 

“you can’t say things like that, kakashi.” 

her voice cut him off almost immediately. her voices raised probably 3 octaves and struggled to not waver. he was astonished, he’s never seen her like this before. everything he’s done before never has thrown her off like this. 

_ she’s... embarrassed? _

“aww are you blushing?” 

his arms tried to pry her own away so he could catch a glimpse of her face. though, she scooted away from him before he could even try. 

“go back to sleep. i liked it better when you didn’t talk.” 

“ah hit me where it hurts. i still am quite curious though.” 

he got up and stood over her. she did not let up though and kept her face buried in her arms. 

“why are you so embarrassed? it’s not like i don’t see your face everyday already.” 

she mumbled something unintelligible into her hands. he chuckled quietly before slowly moving her arms. she didn’t struggle as she knew it was useless to fight against the shinobi. 

her mouth was twisted into a grimace. her hands were hot from her face. the blush on her face was quite prominent. her eyes desperately tried the chase away the embarrassment hiding in them. 

he burst out laughing at the woman who lived with him. she only slunk into herself more. her hands still not able to move. this was the most emotion he’d ever seen from the woman and it was embarrassment? 

his laughter soon died down as he chuckled to himself. 

“why are you so bashful now? you’re never like this.” 

she refused to meet his eyes as her face stared at her lap. 

“because.. it’s embarrassing.” 

he moved his face closer.

“and why’s that?” 

“because..” 

silence fell over the room. he waited for an answer. slowly her limps hands started to ball up into fists. 

“no one has ever told me that before.” 

“well i doubt many people have the scars that you do.”

she snorted before her hands started trembling. his eyes widened before he pulled down his protector. droplets landed on her clothes, he grabbed her chin to see her face. there revealed tears flowing freely down her face. her eyes tired. he had no words for the women, as he was befuddled by the situation. 

“i’m crying.” 

her eyes stared into his. her scars muddling her face framed it. her voice sounded normal, emotionless.

“kakashi?” 

“yes?” 

with bated breaths, he waited for her reply. his mind couldn’t figure her out, she was an anomaly. her eyes bored into his as she spoke the words.

“i’m going to leave you.” 

a heavy silence was between them. their minds miles away from eachother. 

“what?” 

her arm shook out of his grasp as she suddenly stood up. he stepped backward, her eyes dropped before her body did. 

catching her as she fell, she laid in his arms. she seemed to be relishing in his touch around her body as her fingers dug into his clothes. slowly, she pulled him down to the floor where he sat as she crouched over. her hair covering her face once again. 

“i’m going to leave one day, i don’t know where and i don’t know when.” 

his eyes widened. it’s almost sounds as if..

“i don’t like how you’re saying this. it sounds like you’re going to-“ 

“don’t leave me kakashi.” 

his angered voice was cut off by a flow of emotions disguised as a voice. the voice was watery, raspy. it was full of grief and despair. an emotion she’s never shown. an emotion he was far too familiar with. 

her breaths became short and she struggled to get words out. 

“don’t go. don’t leave me all alone.” 

all of her repressed emotions spilled out. all of his memories of losing the people he cared about came flooding back to him. the way he cried for hours after obito, she was there. she was cleaning his wounds and caring. the way he sobbed over the sink when he killed rin, she was there. how she piled the blankets and pillows around him when he passed out. 

so he merely gathered her up on his arms as she sobbed. her fingers still digging into his clothes, desperately latching on and never letting go. acting like if she let go, he’d disappear and never return. he looked down at her with empathy, he knew how it felt to be so desperate. 

(but he’d always try to gloss over it.)

he had to be there for her.

(but where did all of this grief come from?) 

so they sat for hours as she begged and pleaded for him not to leave her. 

_ don’t leave me. don’t leave me like all of the other ones. i’m sorry kakashi. don’t go. don’t go. DON’T GO.  _

he ignored the way his heart was caught in his throat. ignored the way he wanted to run far far away from her. the way he wanted to retract his body and cry himself down a cliff. 

so he listened and didn’t say anything. for the shinobi was never good at comforting others. his words always lacked tact and too blunt. so he didn’t bother saying anything.

after the long and painful hours passed, her cries had quieted. he had kept his mind sharp as he comforted the woman. his legs, sore from staying the same position but nothing he hasn’t been through before. her fingers had dug into his arms so much, he was sure there would be bruises. 

her breathing had evened out and he gave a sigh. without jostling her much, he put his arms under her and picked her up. carrying her body to her room was easy. he felt one more pang in his heart when he processed how weightless she really was. she was merely skin and bones. her hold on him had loosened. 

being careful to not hit her head on anything, he walked into her room. laying her down on the bare bed, he pulled the blanket over the body. giving a onceover on the sleeping woman, he turned to leave. 

before he felt a presence on his wrist. 

“what the..” 

turning around, he saw her arm had shot out and had an iron tight grip. trying to pull away was fruitless as tears started emerging from her eyes once more. but there was no mistake, her eyes were still closed and she was in dead sleep. her arm was unconsciously shot out, desperate for comfort. he sighed once more but reproached the bed. sitting down next to her, he rested his elbows on his knees. 

he could not sleep that night. his mind had been plagued with the past. every so often, his head would snap to her whenever he heard her breath hitch. more than once, she cried in her sleep. she whispered people’s names in her sleep. names that he did not know. more than once, he had tried to leave but she always yearned for his presence. whispers that she couldn’t leave him. for he was the last one. 

after a while, he had settled onto the bed. he laid next to her, but didn’t go under the covers with her. 

(didn’t want to past that privacy between their relationship.) 

_ he pulled his protector down as he laid back down on the blankets. she stood and went to go back to her room. before she could get far, she felt something grab her hand. she looked down to see kakashi’s crouched form. _

__

_ “yes?” _

__

_ he didn’t move to speak or anything. after a minute of contemplation, he let go of her hand. he mumbled,“nothing.” before turning on his side. she merely blinked before walking back to her room. she ignored the way that was the only time he’s ever touched her since they were children. _

there, he could see her face twist under the moonlight shining into the room from the window. her tears glistened and his heart lurched. so he bore the tears, whispers, and heartaches for the night. he had gone to brushing his fingers through her hair once again. trying to keep himself occupied, keep his mind not focused on her cries. for he could not take it. 

soon, dawn had struck and he could see the rays of the sun peeking through. with the rays of the sunlight and the birds, the woman twisted around in the bed. grunts and mumblings leaving her mouth before forcing her eyes open. she blinked multiple times before processing the man beside her. 

“what the hell, kakashi?” she mumbled as her eyes squinted at the man. 

_ ah, back to normal _

“hey there.” he responded casually.

she looked up and down at the man. fully clothed. she raised the sheets to see that she was also clothed. she gave him a dirty look. 

“what are you doing in my bed kakashi. this isn’t one of your novels you know.” 

her voice had taken on a dangerous tone. he put his arms up in a losing way as he closed his eye. 

“hey now, no need to blame me.” 

“mhm yeah yeah.. right.” 

as she turned away from him, he opened his eye again. what should he do? should he try talking about yesterday? would she even acknowledge it?

he watched as she grabbed her clothes for the day and stepped into the bathroom. recounting what day it was, he remembered that he had to bring his team on a longer mission again. 

coming out of the bathroom, she had her hair in a towel. she looked to the bed and saw that there was no one in it. she walked into the main room to see that kakashi had a backpack on the ground next to the door. he seemed to be waiting by the door for something. 

“does your team have a mission again?” 

“yeah.” 

she walked in front of him to flutter her hands over his torso. as she always did before he left like this. her eyes were no longer filled with tears, they now sat emotionless like always. her face had no evidence that she was nervous or uncomfortable. no looks that proved that she was scared of what he’d say about yesterday. she simply pulled on his collar to pop it out. 

with that, he leaned down so they could meet at eye level. she met his eyes with ease. 

“yes, kakashi?” 

her tone had no effects from yesterday. her eyebrows raised in questioning. her hands still on his collar. leaning forward, he pressed lips against hers. his mask still covering his mouth but still feeling her lips on his. the kiss was fast and he was quick to pull away. her eyes did not close nor did her facial expression change much. 

“i’ll come back soon.” 

and with that, he left with his backpack on his shoulders and out the door. she stood still as the door closed and locked. 

raising her dainty fingers to her lips, she outlined the feeling of her lips. tears burned into her, already tired, eyes. she shook her head as she fell to the floor. for it was the first kiss she had ever received. the first kiss she had ever received from anyone. she sobbed as she curled up into a ball. she balled one hand into a fist as her other one tracing her lips.trying to imprint the feel of his in her mind.

it meant the world to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep.

**Author's Note:**

> i’ll add more lol, i just wanna post it for shits and giggles


End file.
